Baby Fever

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."

I haven't updated in a while, but I have found myself to be sitting here alone on a Thursday night while Todd is working and rejoicing that yet another friend has announced her pregnancy. While I am rejoicing, I also find myself a little sad and wistful thinking why couldn't it be me. Lately I have been really struggling with the overwhelming desire to be a mother and absolute impatience and at times despair waiting for it to happen.
Most of you that follow me know that last February, after what seemed like years of planning, Todd and I were so excited to learn that we were expecting. The idea of being first time parents was so wonderful that we starting picking out names and nursery furniture almost immediately. We felt that finally we would begin this wonderful family and were so sure that having a baby would be one of the most amazing adventures of our entire lives.
About 8 weeks in I had my first ultrasound and the results were not good. After 3 weeks of being in limbo, many ultrasounds and dr. appointments later, and not knowing whether the pregnancy was viable, we found out that we would not be having a baby anymore. After the shock and devastation wore off, as well as the pain and discomfort of surgery, there was still the burning desire to be a mother.
So, here I am and what feels like months later still desperately wanting to become pregnant and experience motherhood. I am trying to relax and enjoy the journey knowing that in God's perfect timing, I feel sure that we will have the baby that we are so longing for. But, it is hard to not feel discouraged as one after another people all around you are being blessed with beautiful healthy babies.
I am hoping being able to blog about this may help sort out these feelings, and I ask for everyone's prayers for a healthy happy pregnancy when the time is right.